I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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