Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
