Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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