ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
