He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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