we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
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So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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