scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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