My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
