I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
