tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.