I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
