I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.