Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
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Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.