I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
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my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.