people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
