just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
