was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
