I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
