I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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