I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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