With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
