i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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