i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
