As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
