we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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