Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
