I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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