dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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