Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
