Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
