i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
