McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
