Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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