Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
