every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This baby is an asshole
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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