The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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