ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I didn't notice because vodka
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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