Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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