and you said cock pushups were impossible
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
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I think I sprained my soul last night
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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