I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
