Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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