I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
