So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
