the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
