His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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