I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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