I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
