He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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