Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
