i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
