How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
