8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
