We're facebook friends in real life
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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