just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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