I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
