now i know why i became what i already was.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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