If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
