pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
