He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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