i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today