All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.