I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
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No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.