Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
No idea. I blame fireball.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?