There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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