hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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